I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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