somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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