I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
