i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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