Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were trust falling into bushes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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