Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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