don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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