I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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