My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
