I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
