Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
