How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
