I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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