5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
