All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
