Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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