If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
