No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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