my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
