my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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