I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's get the cat blown out
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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