I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
