yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
