this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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