I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
