im holly from the hills drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So many bounce houses so little time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
