Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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