I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They have beer where we have blood.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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