I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
