I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
