I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
