I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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