but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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