first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
