your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
