I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How does one acquire holy water?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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