the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
