After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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