How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Randomize
