i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
