you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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