First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
