Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
3pm strippers are depressing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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