I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
