did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just pee around me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
