Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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