Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
