omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
