my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
