so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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