I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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