Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
