He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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