looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
